Improvement

Since starting the new antidepressants I have noticed an improvement in myself, I am feeling happier with less negative thoughts as well as less horrible dreams. My insomnia is getting much better and I am able to fall asleep easier. However, I am noticing that I am needing naps now during the day, I chalk it up to catching up on all the sleep I had missed from never being able to sleep before 2 or 3 in the morning. My milk supply is doing awesome as well and I have cut back to pumping 3 times a day as baby is more demanding and there just isn't enough time to pump when he wants to play! I am still getting around 35-38oz a day which is what he eats approximately, I am hoping to pump until he is around 8-10 months old or longer if I can. I want him on breastmilk for over a year at least and then I plan on switching to goats milk as its closest to human milk.

Zephran is growing up so fast, changing every day! He smiles and laughs and coo's and can roll from tummy to back and is trying very hard every day to roll from back to tummy. He likes to play with his toys and likes trying to stand as well. He is sleeping in his crib now which was sad for me as I didn't want him to but he outgrew the bassinet and he seems to actually sleep better in his crib than anywhere else. I have started to get a better bedtime routine for his as well with feeding and then reading him a story or two and rocking him in our rocker in his room and then turning his aquarium on and letting him fall asleep. He is in 6 month sleepers already! He definitely doesn't look or act like a premie, I just can't believe he is going to be 5 months already!

I have decided to withdraw from all but one class as its been to much and I just need to focus on getting myself back to healthy and being the best mom I can be and fiance as well. I don't want to miss out on Zephrans milestones or be to busy to do things with him and to enjoy his growing up. I plan on taking my LPN probably in Lethbridge which means we will be moving however that will probably be next year and in the meantime within this year I plan on taking my Doula training. My end goal is to work Labour and Delivery and be a doula kinda hand in hand type thing. The midwifery program will not be available in Calgary for awhile and until then I want to get somewhere so why not start with my LPN and Doula so I have sort of backup. I decided against RN as it just to long of a program and my heart isn't in it.

Zephran has another appt in Calgary in March with a hematologist to make sure he does not have any bleeding disorders like my mom, it sucks that we have to make another trip up there but I am hoping to take him to the zoo while we are there, I think it'll be a good trip as well as Dean is off on parental leaving starting Saturday until September. We are hoping to start going to the gym as well next week. I am looking forward to getting healthy and spending time with my family and the people who mean the most to me. Anyways back to Zephran and his appts. He had to have blood work the other day and it was horrible, he did so good but I was terrified, I cant stand seeing him cry and being pain, it is a horrible feeling as a mother to watch your child be in pain. I am scared for when he has his surgery at the end of the year. I know he will be okay though.

There hasn't been any more drama really in my life thank god, even though I do keep posting links, however they are educational I find. I believe in the things I post and that's what matters. I definitely need to do some more reading on baby led weaning as I want to do that with Zephran, I am thinking we will start with steamed veggies and go from there. I hope he likes it, its all about when he is ready and not just because he will be such and such of age. I definitely can't imagine giving him solids right now that's for sure! He is growing up so fast though, I miss my little bean!

I am hoping to take him swimming soon as well as he really likes the water. I'm hoping he'll be a water baby! I cannot wait for the weather to smarten up either so we can go for walks and I can strap him to my back. I havent babyworn much but then again when we don't go anywhere it kind of hard plus we have to drive everywhere so he has to be in his car seat and I find with a 5 meter wrap its kinda hard to wrap him when we get to the place say like the mall. Once we can go for walks I will be babywearing lots though, and I'm going to start practicing back wraps soon too, just need Dean to spot me as I am paranoid of dropping the baby even if I'm sitting on the edge of the bed. Anyways its time to feed baby so I am off! Until next time.