0 Ramble Ramble Ramble with a side of update

Its been 3 months since my last post. That's a long bloody time to not have updated or even just written to clear my mind. A lot has happened in that time. Zephran had his 1st birthday and it was a total blast, lots of people showed up and it was a really awesome birthday and I am glad that it turned out so good. Zephran also had his surgery in October. That was possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. Having to hand your child off to someone and not see them for 2 hours and have no idea how things are going is extremely stressful not to mention having to see them in pain and upset afterwards. He handled it like a champ though and had a rough day and a half but after those days all he wanted to do was play! We were told he handled it way better than most kids so that was a bonus. He was stuck in arm braces for 3 weeks after his surgery and that bugged him a bit but after he figured out he could still do everything but shove things in his mouth he was quite content. Of course after those arm braces came off he was much happier and he returned to shoving everything in his mouth again haha.

I had said in my last post that I was still pumping, I officially made it almost 14 months and am now done pumping. Zephran still gets breastmilk however mixed with goats milk and will continue that for a couple more months or so. I am so proud of myself for exclusively pumping that long, it was one of the hardest things I have had to do and it wore down my patience many days but it was so worth it and I would do it again if I had to. I am so proud to say he never had formula and never will, not that its bad if you have to use it but I was glad I didn't have to. He drinks only from a sippy cup now as we had to wean him from his bottle prior to surgery. After his arm braces came off I put the valves back into his cups and he is able to drink from them which means the surgery worked! Zephran also started saying DADA after his surgery, like while in the hospital even, it was quite adorable. He is very close to walking but it still a bit unsure and likes to have the comfort of knowing you are there but I think soon he will take his first steps. He is into everything and leaves a path of destruction wherever he goes but he is a happy and content baby 99.9% of the time. He also is a machine when it comes to food, like hollow leg type of machine. That kid can eat let me tell you. I love watching him grow and learn new things. His curiosity of how things function makes me smile.

I am slowly doing better as well. I have had a really rough time with not living with Dean as well as my mom moving to Edmonton. I have felt quite alone and unsure of how to change the things I needed to change. I really felt like I was turning to food and shopping to fill the voids in my life, this is a daily struggle still however I am aware of the things I was doing so that's a step in the right direction. I start seeing a nutritionist nurse next week so hopefully she can help me to get healthy. I feel like I am addicted to food. I am never full, ever and I don't know why. I should probably go see a counsellor or something to delve deeper into the reasons why I turn to food because I cannot seem to figure it out alone and well I am disgusted with how I look and feel. I know that Dean and my family will support me no matter what, I just need to do it.

Dean and I are doing much better, we will be moving back in together in the new year and are on the right path. I am proud of us both for taking the steps we needed to grow up and be the adults that we knew we could be. Shit gets tough but we're tougher. We are hoping to move into a 3 bedroom place in February-ish, I have started to keep my eye open already so I can see what is a good deal and pricing and so on. He makes me so happy and is such an amazing dad. Watching him with Zephran is super adorable, they are the best of friends and he is a big Daddy's boy. We also got ourselves a new vehicle! A 2012 Dodge Journey. Best investment evvver, it has so much room and is a smooth ride, it is also awesome on gas which is a huge plus considering the Jimmy was a guzzler.

I am also proud to say that I am going back to school in January and am all registered for my classes. i am finishing off my electives and then in September of next year I will be taking the OT/PT assistant course which I have been graciously accepted into! I decided against nursing because as a Doula I knew I wouldn't be able to do the labour and delivery part. They do not always give you fact and I don't agree with a lot of their practices at all. Plus the Physical Therapy aspect of my program will definitely be useful in my birth work. I am very excited to go back to school and use my brain and have some socialization as well. Zephran will be going to my friends house while I am in school, she has a son that was also premie, much more than Zephran but they get along so well. I am glad he will have some child interaction as well.

I feel like I am rambling now and my mind is drawing blanks on what I wanted to write, I should definitely post more, look for some controversial topics coming soon haha. Until next time!