0 Growing Up

I cannot believe that Zephran is now 6 months old. Time has gone way to fast and my once little preemie is now over 26 inches long and 18 pounds, He is 3 times his birth weight! It seems like just yesterday he was born. He is rolling over all over the place and loves to stand while you hold his hands. He is starting to sit unassisted for longer periods of time but still flails to the sides and backwards. His new thing is playing with his feet and toes. He also loves to chew on his hands and our fingers. I definitely think he will be getting a tooth soon, upper not lower though. We have been using Camilia drops, a natural teething remedy which is working wonders as well as his amber teething necklace which helps as well. He is not on solids yet and we still plan to do baby led weaning but he has no interest in food. I was kinda surprised when we were in Calgary and the hematology doctor told me we should start giving Zephran rice cereal because it's iron fortified, kinda made me want to tell him he was dumb because Zephrans iron levels are fine and he gets iron from me and that cereals aren't all they are cracked up to be. I am planning on giving Zephran either a banana or a sweet potato for his first food once he is ready. I don't really know when that will be but I think it will still be quite a bit, maybe when he is 8 or 9 months old. If breastmilk is enough for him that is just fine with me and I will continue pumping until he is done!

We got back from Calgary on Tuesday as we had to see hematology because my mom has a bleeding disorder and Zephran had to be checked prior to his cleft repair surgery. His test results were all normal and I was really not worried anyways as he has shown no signs of a bleeding disorder. It was sad however to be in that area of the children's hospital, Hematology is linked up with Oncology and it gave me a very uneasy feeling of being around a bunch of children with cancer, very sad. I never wanted to have to be in that kind of area let alone have to take our child to a Children's hospital. We go back in April to see the surgeon and to get the final surgery date which is in September. I am nervous for that even though it is farther away. I am just scared to leave him in an OR and have to wait. I know he will do fine but it still bothers me.

The trip was very eventful however to say the least. We got there and did some shopping and had dinner with Tamara. At said dinner, Zephran had been a bit cranky so I was trying to feed him again and he had just taken his bottle and the server dropped 2 plates right by our table and Zephran freaked right out and screamed his face off for a good 10 minutes. She felt horrible about making him cry though lol. The next day we went shopping at cross iron mills, definitely was awesome and we got some pretty sweet things including a stuffed puppy for baby from build a bear and some awesome outfits from the carters osh kosh store, that place is fricken amazing! I also got myself a Kobo eReader, that is also amazing, I love it! After we were done at the mall we had to take the car to get looked at because while we were driving we noticed it was making a very loud sound. Turns out the wheel bearings were shot, both of them and it had to be fixed before coming back home, that ended up costing $400 which was a huge kick in the teeth considering rent is due right away and we are moving in a month. The next day when I got up to pump the valve on my pump was broken so i couldn't pump until 3pm that day, let me tell you when you ha vent pumped for over 20 hours your boobs feel like they are going to explode evvvverywhere. Needless to say it was a long journey but an awesome one since we got to spend time with our awesome family as well!

We had originally planned to go up to Calgary on the Monday and come back on Wednesday and go to the zoo as well but plans changed at the last minute as my aunt passed away. This has been a daily battle for me as I was close with her. I still cannot believe she is gone, even though it was not sudden but still it really saddens me. At the beginning of this year she had been sick and throwing up as well as her emphysema had been bad so she was put in the hospital. She did go home for a brief period but was then re-admitted and during her second stint int he hospital she fell and broke her hip on the way to the bathroom. She had a complete hip replacement after a few days because it took that long to stabilize her enough. After her surgery she ended up having a heart attack as well and slowly just declined from there, she was getting up and walking however with physio but her lungs were filling with fluid from pneumonia. It was sad and not fair. I seen her a few days before she died and when I walked in my Grandma asked her who I was and she said "That's my little one". I am sad I didn't get to see her to say goodbye but I am glad that my last memory of her is that and her playing with Zephrans toes. I will miss her ever so much. We are going to her place tomorrow to look through stuff and decide what we would like to have, I am glad that her memory will live on through her things as well. Anyways until next time.

1 Decisions

As parents we have to make many decisions. These start even before our children arrive. I feel that before you have kids you and your partner should be on the same page about how you want to raise your children or at least somewhat on the same page. I mean this in the sense of immunizations, co-sleeping, food choices, discipline and so on. Dean and I are mostly on the same page, we do however conflict a bit on immunizations as I am pretty much against them except for the meningococcal C conjugate and if Zephran hasn't had chicken pox by the time he is 12 or 13 he will be vaccinated for that. My reasoning behind not wanting to vax is NO not because I think they cause autism, I am not that much of a moron, but because the risks and chances and statistics of vaccine injury GREATLY outweigh the benefits of the vaccine itself. Dean however has not done as much reading on this as I have so I am trying to get him to read up more just so he understands where I am coming from. So far Zephran is not vaccinated and when he does get the meningococcal C conjugate it will be right before he starts school.

We do not co-sleep though Zephran was in a bassinet in our room up until he was 4 months old. I would like to co-sleep but on the other hand I am wayyy to scared I would roll over on him or I wouldn't get to sleep because I would always be checking on him. I do like the idea of co-sleeping if we were directly breastfeeding however so maybe for our next baby!

We also believe in extended rear facing, this means that just because when Zephran is a year and over 20lbs he will be staying rear facing for as long as possible. Health Canada's website says to actually keep them rear facing for as long as possible, even though the law is that you can switch them forward facing. Either way he will stay rear facing for as long as a car seat allows him to be! There is more for him to look out the back window out anyways lol.

Since Zephran is getting to be around the age that solids are introduced into the diet I thought I would touch on that. We have decided to do baby led weaning which I have mentioned in previous posts. This means that we will not be doing puree's but instead will be teaching Zephran to chew before swallowing instead of just swallowing. However we will not be starting this until his tongue thrust reflex is gone, till he can sit by himself, shows interest in food and also until breastmilk is not sustaining him anymore. We will not just be starting because oh geez he is 6 months old. For example you give the baby half a banana with a bit of the top unpeeled so that they can grab it and put it in their mouths themselves. Some people find this to be a bit scary because of the choking factor, however you are sitting right there watching what they are doing making sure they do not shove the whole banana in their mouths. Gagging is completely normal however, its part of starting solids whether they are whole or pureed. I think we will probably start with steamed carrots or banana's and go from their, I would like to also try avocados as they are such a good source of fat! I do not plan on giving Zephran any sugar or crap either, whether family thinks its cute or its his first birthday its not gonna happen, that is just me though. Kids can have treats that don't have to be full of shit haha

Another decision we made was one made before Zephran was born. We decided against circumcision. The reasoning behind this is because it is completely unecessary. I didn't feel like causing my child unecessary pain. I think the worst reason for getting it done that I have heard from many women is that it looks nicer. I was unaware that your opinion of your sons penis should cause you to make that decision. I believe that when he grows up if he wants it done then he can make that decision. Sure I think it looks nicer to but a penis is a penis is a penis lol. The same goes if we had a girl, I would never pierce her ears until she was old enough to know what that meant as well as be responsible enough to take care of them and clean them.

On discipline, well I don't believe in hitting a child. spanking for me is a no go. Violence is never the answer and your child should NEVER be scared of you. We will not be spanking or yelling at Zephran for discipline because there are many other positive methods to use.

On another note we are all doing awesome. Zephran is growing up sooo fast, he is probably around 18-20lbs now and over 2 feet long. He is rolling over a ton and giggling lots as well as he will sit by himself for short periods. I am still pumping for him and he has still not had any formula which I am very proud of! We go to Calgary Children's hospital at the end of this month to see hematology because my mom has a bleeding disorder and he needs to be checked prior to his cleft palate repair surgery in September. I am not looking forward to the bloodwork we have to have done next week for his appt on the 29th. I am however excited to go to the Calgary zoo and to build a bear and just to be out of Medicine Hat for a few days. We also see the cleft palate team again in April as well. Lots of trips coming up! We are hoping to go camping this summer too, I want to tent but I think we will be staying in a cabin or something to that effect. i was also thinking of maybe going to the mountains for a few days as I haven't been to the mountains in forever. Who knows! Anyways until next time!

0 I think i'm better than you!

My friend Sara posted this on her blog, it stole the words right out of my mouth, she is pure awesomesauce so here it is!


I THINK I'M BETTER THAN YOU

"No, actually I don't, but if that's what you want to think, because it makes it easier for you dismiss my opinions, please, by all means...

I don't think doctors know everything. I don't think they're omnipotent gods. They are people, just like you and me. They make mistakes. They take shortcuts. They have bad days. They have momentary lapses in judgement. They even sometimes LIE. Or do things they shouldn't because it's easier for THEM. Not all, not most, maybe not even many. But it does happen.

Doctors fill a very important role in society. If I break my arm I want someone trained to cast it. If I get in an accident and my insides start spilling to the outside, I want someone trained to put them back in the proper place and stitch me up. If I scratch my knee, am I am going to get a surgeon to put on a band-aid? No. If I have a headache, am I going to go to a doctor for a lobotomy? No.

So if I plan on having a NORMAL birth with a NORMAL baby, why would I go to someone who doesn't have experience with that? I bet if you legitimately asked an OB how many babies "they delivered" where they just sat back, watched what happened, and didn't intervene, they wouldn't be many, if any at all.

Despite what I believe is sound logic, I am a quack, an idiot (and at the same time, also a knowitall - funny how that works), and worse, A BAD MOTHER, or that I'm going to KILL my babies by thinking this way.

My oh my, where would the human race be without such a superior obstetrical practice that's only been in existance around a hundred years? EXTINCT"

0 Sundays

I love Sundays. It reminds me of family and spending time with the people you love most. Walking around the mall today with baby strapped to my chest and holding hands with Dean, it made me so happy, I look at my life and sure there are some things I'd like to change like my motivation to get certain things done but then I think about my life and how I have a wonderful fiance who takes good care of me and our son, we have a baby who is happy and healthy and striving and I am in good health and so is Dean. We have it good, better than a lot of people and I am ever so grateful for my little family!

I looked into the Doula certification and am hoping to take it in may through CAPPA, I contacted the lady who is running it and she may not be teaching it, if that is the case I may take it through DONA instead or through birthing from within, however if I take it from birthing from within then we have to go to Edmonton and that is a bit more of a hassle than Calgary as we have family in Calgary and have no where to stay in Edmonton for the few days we'd be there. I am sooo excited to take the course and to be on my way to assisting women in their births and helping them achieve their ideal birth. I know how important it is to have the support system and to be an educated parent to be, to know what my options are and to know what is and isn't true. Unfortunately a lot of parents to be are not educated and go in and listen to everything the doctors and nurses say, however a lot of what they say is not the truth and they use their wonderful scare tactics of "if you don't do this your baby will die and its all your fault." I was very glad I was educated. OF course sometimes even when you are educated, things don't always go as planned, this was my case in a lot of ways but I still stuck to my guns and made my decisions with a lot of thought. Anyways enough rambling, I am just excited and so very passionate about birthing and parenting in the most natural sense and helping mothers and their families.

We are taking Zephran swimming tomorrow for the first time, quite excited for this! We got little blue shark swimming trunks for him, seriously they are so cute! I hope he likes swimming, I think he will as he loves bath time. I am also going to start getting up earlier as I am starting to get used to it already since baby has been getting up at around 7 in the morning, this will give me time to go to the gym everyday and hopefully start to lose weight and tone up! I know I will never be a size 2 and maybe never even a size 10 but I want to lose some weight and just be healthier! I am aiming to go for a walk everyday once it is nice out, especially since we have a park about about a 15 minute walk from here that I know baby will enjoy!

Well I seem to be out of things to say for now so I am off to have a nice hot bath and read for a bit, until next time!

0 Hard

I have a question, one question and that is it. Why in the hell does it have to be so hard to lose weight? Oh and also why do I have to feel hungry all the time just because I am producing milk? Okay I lied that was two questions. I need motivation, I need energy, and I DO NOT know where to get it from, I get on the scale everyday and I watch the number go up then down then back up and it climbs higher and the panic inside of me gets worse and then I eat fabulous all day and plan to go exercise and those plans get crushed and then I eat my feelings. I eat because I am hungry, I eat because I want to make sure I produce enough milk, I eat from boredom, from pure laziness, from stress and emotions. I wish I didn't have to worry about producing milk because this would be a hell of a lot easier to do without having to make sure I am eating enough to produce enough and so on. I wish I was able to get up at 7 in the morning and stay up and not feel exhausted. I need to just do it. I need to stop saying I will and just do. Its hard though. You think about the time it took to put the weight on and well it takes a lot longer to lose it. I am always thinking well tomorrow is a new day and I can restart tomorrow so lets just continue to eat like crap today since I will be back on plan tomorrow and I should not live like that because everything should be in moderation, not gorging yourself. The thing is I never feel overfull. I wish I could be on a show like the biggest loser, where they have people run your ass off 6 hours a day and you eat like a rabbit haha, unhealthy sure, but it fricken works. I just need to find my motivation, I know its around here somewhere, I know I can be healthy, I know I can do this, I just need to search within my self and hold on tight with everything I have to the motivation. Until next time.

1 Rambling

I figured since Zephran is napping I will do an update since I haven't in awhile! We are all doing good, I am doing so much better PPD wise, I do have my bad days but they are coming few and far between. My only issue now is getting over the tiredness, it seems I have been exhausted since starting the new antidepressants but I am hoping that going back to the gym and getting to bed earlier will help. I went to the gym last week, ha vent been back since, just need to manage my time better but I will be going again on Monday and then working out with Dean at the Legion before weigh in on Tuesdays as I have also went back to Weight Watchers. I am having a harder time following that as I have been going on Deliveries with Dean in the evenings when he is working which poses a risk of me smelling all of the food he is delivering and us getting fast food, not good. I think what I should do is eat at home and then go with him around 7 or 8 at night and that way I wont be tempted to eat a bunch of fast food. I really want to lose 50lbs by August, that's around 10lbs a month which isn't to much considering I am hoping to hit the gym for an hour at least each day or at least 3 times a week, Plus once it's nice enough out we are going to go for walks as well. I really need to practice some back carries before we go to Calgary cuz we are going to be going to the zoo and we wont have room for the stroller and our suitcase.

Zephran is growing up soooo fast. I miss my little bean and I cannot believe he is going to be 5 months old, next thing you know he'll be 14 and telling me he hates me haha. He has begun rolling him self around the living room floor now which means we will have to keep things higher so he doesn't pull cords or movies of of anything! Soon enough he will be crawling! He loves his exersaucer and he also likes to stand up while holding your hands. We see his doctor on Wednesday so we will see how big he is then! He is wearing some 3 month clothes but mostly 6 month and up clothes now. He sleeps through the night though he has been waking up a few more times in between. I am pretty sure he will be cutting teeth soon as he is verrrrry drooly and likes to chew more on my finger or his hand when he is cranky, I have definitely noticed a difference when he has his amber teething necklace on however, he is much less cranky when he is wearing it!

It has been awesome having Dean home. He is the biggest help ever and has made my PPD so much better, I have been able to have some me time as well as get more sleep, our house is cleaner and we are happy! Zephran is happy about it too! He loves his daddy and they have so much fun together, definitely a bonus. I will never take him for granted that's for sure. I miss him at night though as I am not used to him being gone then, but it is nice to have the option to go with him and when baby is fussy it definitely helps to put him in his car seat and go for a drive, it's an instant sleep aid for him! We also have to start planning out wedding soon since it is next year, we are also planning a vacation for this summer, I am thinking BC maybe, a nice trip in the mountains!

I am still pumping milk for Zephran, I have actually had to start freezing some every now and then, definitely makes me happy and takes a load off to be producing enough for baby. I pump 3 times a day and am getting around 35oz plus a day, Zephran eats around 30-35 a day so it works out good. I am planning pumping until he is 8-10 months old and with doing baby led weaning he will also get some solids around 8 months and once he is eating enough solids and has cut down on milk intake I will probably cut back pumping and start using my frozen supply!

We are also looking into moving to Lethbridge within the next year or so as I want to attend the LPN program at Lethbridge college and I am hoping to take my Doula certification before then, even if I take my Doula training and can get on as a Doula in Medicine Hat we may end up staying! Anyways I feel like I am rambling all over the place so until next time!

0 Goals for 2011

Here is a list of some of my goals for the year:
- Pump until baby is at least 8 months old, hopefully make it a year
- Be the best mom I can be.
- Work up to exercising an hour a day or at least 30 minutes a day
- Become a wrapping pro
- Go for a walk daily once it's nice outside
-Lose 50lbs by August, 80 by the end of the year.
-Get my Doula certification

That's my list so far, I imagine it will grow on a daily basis.