Hard

I have a question, one question and that is it. Why in the hell does it have to be so hard to lose weight? Oh and also why do I have to feel hungry all the time just because I am producing milk? Okay I lied that was two questions. I need motivation, I need energy, and I DO NOT know where to get it from, I get on the scale everyday and I watch the number go up then down then back up and it climbs higher and the panic inside of me gets worse and then I eat fabulous all day and plan to go exercise and those plans get crushed and then I eat my feelings. I eat because I am hungry, I eat because I want to make sure I produce enough milk, I eat from boredom, from pure laziness, from stress and emotions. I wish I didn't have to worry about producing milk because this would be a hell of a lot easier to do without having to make sure I am eating enough to produce enough and so on. I wish I was able to get up at 7 in the morning and stay up and not feel exhausted. I need to just do it. I need to stop saying I will and just do. Its hard though. You think about the time it took to put the weight on and well it takes a lot longer to lose it. I am always thinking well tomorrow is a new day and I can restart tomorrow so lets just continue to eat like crap today since I will be back on plan tomorrow and I should not live like that because everything should be in moderation, not gorging yourself. The thing is I never feel overfull. I wish I could be on a show like the biggest loser, where they have people run your ass off 6 hours a day and you eat like a rabbit haha, unhealthy sure, but it fricken works. I just need to find my motivation, I know its around here somewhere, I know I can be healthy, I know I can do this, I just need to search within my self and hold on tight with everything I have to the motivation. Until next time.