Frustration

Its been just over 6 months. 6 months that have been so happy, overwhelming, tiring, a huge whirlwind of emotions. I have had ups and downs of frustration though. It is so hard some days to continue pumping. I will never give up because I know what I am doing benefits Zephran to the full extent but sometimes I just want to stop so I don't have to worry about making enough milk, about each oz that I pump. I don't know how to explain the frustration I have with pumping when I do have it but it drives me insane sometimes. I have been renting a pump for the past month ish because my pump in style crapped out. Dean found me a pump in style on facebook so I bought it for the cheap price of $50 (considering they go for $350), well the suction just isn't working for me, it doesn't seem to suction properly without me pressing the shield against my boob in an uncomfortable way. The pump also is louder than loud which drives me insane, I have this thing where I cannot hear the pump when pumping because it distracts me and annoys the shit outta me, doesn't make sense I know but that's just how it is. The rented pump isn't loud at all and it works wonders, I think I will probably end up just sticking with the Symphony and sell the other pump since it does work it just doesn't work for me if that makes sense? I wish I wasn't so sensitive to sounds. I am very proud of myself though for making it this far in exclusively pumping. I pump 3 times a day now which isn't a lot at all considering Zephran is still only on breastmilk. I used to pump 6-8 times a day which took up all my time and energy. It still does take a lot of energy up and I get paranoid when I can't plan when I'm going to pump next and so on. I don't think many people understand what its like to pump, but its something I have chosen to do and will continue to do because I know how good it is for him. Everything I do, I do for him and for our family. Even though its such a frustrating thing at times, it is the most rewarding thing ever!